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Wellness > Relationship

Relationships can be successful or abusive in 1 way or another. It takes 2 to make it work. A relationship should have:

  1. Analogy of what a relationship is
  2. Trust
  3. Respect
  4. Cooperation
  5. Teamwork
  6. Honesty
  7. Passion
  8. Understanding
  9. Common interests
  10. Joy

Paradigm & relationship

A paradigm is how you see the world. These views differ however so slightly from person to person. It can be viewed as a map of getting from point A to point B. Let's say this is a road-map of the most direct route from Bethlehem to Easton. Is that map going to help me get to Catesaqua? Will it show me how to land on the moon? How about how to get to the center of the Earth? Will a map of the globe help me get from Bethlehem to Allentown? A map is relative to where we're going. It's no more than a piece of paper. Likewise, it's a belief system. It isn't the journey of going from Bethlehem to Easton. The map doesn't include all the people you give directions to along the way. The people fit into the category of the territory you traverse, an experience. An experience is real, not a piece of paper. The map is the guide only, & we know there are many guides relative to perspective of the observer, or according to where the person is going. The experience is the Yang, the map is only part of the Yin. If someone gets stuck focusing on the map instead of the journey (territory), he or she never reaches the destination.

A relationship also has 2 maps, 1 for the man, & 1 for the woman. These maps are different because, in many cases, each is going to a different destination. One may be on a rocky road while the other is on easy-street. Why should this cause argument? Instead, compare maps & comfort the one on the rocky road so love might prevail. When all is done in the experience of love, it always works out. Therefore, in a good relationship, the wonderful couple share the same road at times, though the other spouse might have to depart to the rocky road every day, he or she comes home to share in an easier street.

Fear-based relationships

Walking on egg-shells (egg-shell relationship), fragile relations, can break into anything at any time. Focus is on what you did wrong with you kept in fear. Your guilt is your focus. The other person may be dictator & you as the servant. You become afraid when the other person walks by. These relationships are a dime a dozen, at least in PA from 2002 to 2016. It seems like there's one hope-based friend in thousands of people. This is because most people let the drunken monkey within run a-muck. Not only that, but relationships usually fall apart when the drunken monkey within takes control.

Loveless Marriage/engagement

A loveless marriage is a dangerous trap. If you find someone who doesn't have emotion & can't love, it can be draining. The worst thing you can do is marry that person. There's a match for everyone, it's better for your universe to find love, not the lack. That person who can't love needs hypnotism so he or she's not a drain on others, & it would do an enormous favor to that person.

Hope-based relationships

Conversations about what's possible, making lists of pros & cons. Makes time lines depicting where we've been & where we're headed. Discussions of steps we can take to accomplish our goals & work together to create something. Hope-based relationships are more powerful in groups. These are unfortunately rare. When you do find one, the other person is usually so tied up with work that he or she can't help you much. One Mind Restoration will make the hope-based relationship the job so that obstacle is obliterated.

We first understand your world view. We discuss how it relates to the realism in society to reach an acceptance. We direct the conversation to use Marston's Social Model to move focus off of self & onto relationships.

Veto Violence website

Veto Violence has an array of trainings where you can learn what roles certain people can play in common social activities. The Dating Matters free course is especially helpful. Aren't we all struggling with relating to anyone? I can only speak for myself, but I have a feeling others with an unfortunate scattered thinking stigmatically called mental illness also struggle with no real friends & all. The site covers some things we might need to know when it comes to relating to other people. CDC's Dating Matters app is especially useful in learning what on Earth a relationship is.

Those are the main ones, the rest are extraneous variables.

Read into them if you want, but since they fit within the confines of the previous categories, they complicate things.

  • Codependent
  • Dominating
  • Dysfunctional
  • Egg-shell
  • Emotional affair
  • Friends
  • Hopeful
  • Independent
  • Intimate
  • Long distance
  • Looks good on paper
  • Membership in a social group
  • Open
  • Professional
  • Prize possession
  • Sexual
  • Rebound
  • Temporary
  • Toxic
  • Working hard

It's not what you get, it's what you share in a relationship. Put love first before everything, including security. Love isn't becoming a fool so the other can become wise. It's sharing every experience with emotional fitness. Patterns make you feel any certain way. Use those patterns to create love & passion. This is Tony Robbins, a leading counselor for everything in life. Try setting a pattern for things that last forever, not temporary yays. Tony says:

Needs in a relationship

  1. Experience of Love & Connection. Love is #1, even if you're uncertain about everything. Love is the balance of the hormones.
  2. Certainty: we want the security that the relationship will last.
  3. Uncertainty: need for challenge in a physical range.
  4. Significance: Everyone needs to feel important, needed, wanted & worthy of love.
  5. Growth: it dies when it stops growing.
  6. Contribution: going beyond our own needs.

Understanding is key to relationship. When there's no understanding, people can feel lonely:

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The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift.